Last week was rough. In case you were wondering....

If you couldnt tell by my postings last week, it was a really rough week for me...especially emotionally.

This week has been better so far spiritually and emotionally, however physically...I've still been feeling just plain ran down.

We are looking forward to a phone call from the specialist to make an appointment to hear what our next step should be.  Everyone has a different opinion on this, I am looking forward to a professional opinion.  Can I share with you how I feel?  I am exhausted...my body hurts.  Pregnancy takes such a toll on your body and I'm feeling it (1 term pregnancy, and 2 halfway through in less than 1 1/2 yrs....OWWIE)!  Everything hurts, I'm sure grief doesnt help AT ALL.  So, as much as I would love the Lord to bless us with another baby...as far as I'm concerned, I'm not getting pregnant any time soon!  Not until I can do daily things without everything hurting, feeling tired after doing small things, and we have things figured out with the Doctors.

I love my Hubby and little GQ, and I am thoroughly enjoying my time with them!!  Absolutely every day is a blessing!!

Choosing...

Can I bring Glory to you, my Father?
Please help me.  My purpose is for Christ.

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven."  Matthew 5:16

May I peel myself up off the pavement when I've been ran over, and bring Glory to YOU!
Everyone will see struggle in their life.  I'm struggling.
May I be faithful to what you've called me to walk through.
Instead of giving me what I want,...please help me align my heart to YOUR will.

He is WITH me...never to leave me, never to forsake me.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deut 31:6. 

He is always willing to help, if I just ask him for it.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble ." Ps 46:1


"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives." Jas 4:3

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Matt 7:7

Its not just that God knows what I will do in my trials..
He TRUSTS me to go through this trial, to bring Him glory.
What an honor!  
He knows me better than I know myself.  When I feel broken, He knows me better.


"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory;"  Matthew 12:20


This is a spiritual battle....so I need to continually put on my armor!

  

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. " Eph 6:10-20

"For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light."  Psalm 56:13


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZZBZrpSd-w

"Be still and know that I am God ." Psalm 46:10

Talked to the Dr today

I've been crying so much today...I dont even have any energy to write.  But I told you I'd update...so here it is.

The baby was a girl.  Skyler Rae.  I'm so crushed...I feel like everywhere I turn I hit a brick wall.

This is my new life verse for now. 
Psalm 61: 1-4
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

Plans....God is still on plan A

We look at our circumstances...we've been blessed with one healthy boy and with many children who are now with the Lord by way of stillbirth and late miscarriages.  Our plans as parents have been thrown into confusion and sadness.  We are praying for the Lords direction in how He would like us to grow our family (will you pray with us, please?).  Right now....WAITING seems to be the right thing to do.  We are trying to find out from the specialists if it is even wise for us to carry again.  Although, currently we are having a hard time even getting a hold of them.

The situation is NOT hopeless---we have had 4 adoption opportunities and a surrogacy opportunity lovingly placed in our lap by the Lord.  God has continually taught us through each of our losses in the past year and a half.  We are learning more and more about Gods character and how we are utterly dependent upon Him!  Death was not the way that God made the world, it is an outcome of a sin filled world.  God foreknew in the beginning of time that we would lose Avery, Levi, and Skyler.  Psalm 39:4

Since any subsequent pregnancies will be on bed-rest for the entire pregnancy, we will need to place Grayden in full time care somewhere.  Which is quite sad considering a) I would like to teach him (home-school) b) finances (we would put him in private pre-k).  Regardless of how you look at the situation it WILL be quite costly, and requires much prayer (again, will you pray with us? :)!

I hope to update again soon :).  This was a short one, wasnt it? :)

Thank you for your love and prayers!

The genetic testing came back from the baby, he/she was genetically PERFECT.
They didnt tell us if the baby was a boy or a girl, I plan on asking next I talk to them.