On my heart....on my mind...

I cant tell you how many times I started writing this.....

We havent advertised a whole lot as to what has been happening in our life the last week or so.  Most have heard from family or by word of mouth.

We lost the baby, who we named Skyler.  Another precious baby.  We are hurt, confused, and scared.  We dont know where to go from here.  It seems ignorant to try to get pregnant again since whatever is happening to these little ones are because of my body.  Everything has come as a wave of shock.  When we went to the specialist at 16 weeks she told us of some concern that what happened with Avery and Levi were not the 'obvious' reasons that they had told us when we first lost them.  Rather, what really happened to them was disguised.  However, we were happy to know that the baby was healthy at the time...even though she saw things that were of concern.  We were thankful for another day.  As I have said many times, tomorrow isn't promised.  I know the Lord has orchestrated my body, I know nothing happens outside of His will.  It just really hurts to know what is causing this is in MY body.  It makes me feel as if I DID THIS TO THEM.  I know that this isnt the reality.  But now after losing 3, it is hard not to think that way...I am constantly reminding myself of the truths we find in scripture.  We are praying for answers.  Praying for comfort.  Praying for healing.  We WOULD LOVE LOVE to have a large family.  We have considered adoption, but financially it isn't even a possibility in the near future.  Again, God could change this or move mountains.  We would like to find out from the specialist what is causing this and praying that He would allow us to have a healthy, viable baby.  We would ask for your prayers for wisdom and that the Lord would direct our steps.

All that being said----it absolutely amazes me that we have Grayden.  HE IS OUR MIRACLE BABY (we have told him this, and he will let you know that ;).  I KNOW that the Lord has placed him in our lives.  I have seen Him work through our little boy many times in the last year and a half.  I am in awe that we have such a wonderful lovely sweet little boy, I truly am SOOO thankful.  Thank you Lord for our wonderful GIFT!  I dont think I could put into words how thankful we are for him.

Again, I always say...I am thankful to know that our babies are in Heaven.  They will be there for ETERNITY.  Our time here is a blink of an eye, forever is what we will have with them.  Praying ALWAYS that our little Grayden will come to know the saving faith of our Lord Jesus Christ.