Thoughts from a SCATTERBRAIN!

I have become much more quiet over this past month, hence my lack of writing.  Oct 21 marked Levis' one month, and yesterday was Averys' 8 months in Heaven.  They get to hang out with Jesus every day, all day!!  SOOO JEALOUS!  :0)  One day I will be with them, and today is gone so that marks one day closer :).

I can't ask you how many times people have asked me "how do you do it?" or "you poor thing."  First, I am not a victim...I am a daughter of the most High God!  I am immensely blessed, even if the only thing I had was my salvation that would be sufficient.  I surely dont deserve eternal life.  Second, just because I am a believer doesn't mean that I (or we) wont have immense pain in our lives.  God has promised His children that He will give us the strength in trials because the strength we have is not our own.  2 Cor 12:9-10 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  I have often said "God doesnt call the equipped, He equips the called because it is by His strength we stand."  I am NOT saying that it is always easy....because believe me, there are times when the reality of situations will  knock us over like a wave.  So when you ask me how I am doing, and I say "blessed" I really mean it I am.  I am content with my life, based on the grace of Christ.  Does that mean that I dont have fear, struggles, or hard times?  NO, because for now there are many.  HOWEVER, my Heavenly Father is helping me get through day by day.  Whatever His will is for me, let it be done.

I've been thinking and praying about how I can use my story to further the kingdom of God.  I plan on writing a book and becoming a Christian counselor when the Lord deems the time proper.  For now though, I think my heart is to help parents who havent lost realize just how much they have.  Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow, and we are to live "out loud" with them excellently daily.  Every day is a gift, James 1:17 says "every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning."  I believe we need to be intentional about our daily living a life of love, and not taking for granted those things that He has gifted us with.  Every day of health, every day of being fed, protected, pregnancy, our children, our husbands, and all the other people in our lives (the list could go on) IS a GIFT.  You see, both Avery and Levi were perfectly healthy (in the sight of man) one day, and the next they were gone...never to breathe a breath of life on this earth, never to look into our eyes for us to tell us how much we love them.  I dont really understand why they were taken, I do know that nothing will come to pass without my Father in Heaven allowing it to.  Every day with them was a gift, not a promise, nothing that I deserve, nor should I have expected.  I wouldnt have wished this road for me (or anyone else for that matter), but through this situation I have really learned SOO much!   I greater appreciation for what Christ has done for us and that has spilled out in so many other areas in my life..."and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Rom 8:28.  Not some ALL!  Thank you Lord for your love, mercy, and provision for my life.  Even though I dont see things, you see ALL things...may all that I am bring some fragrance to the light of your wonderful name because its only by your grace that there is ANY good in me.   

Speaking of blessings in our lives.  My little Grayden just blows my mind with his love every day.  Today somehow something came up about me dying.  Grayden said, "Mommy I dont want you to die, I need you to stay with me."  I said, "one day Mommy will die and she will go to live with Jesus, Avery, and Levi in Heaven."  At this point, his lip quickly got pouty, his nose got red, and his eyes got watery.  I grabbed his face and held it in my hands and told him "you dont need to worry about Mommy or Daddy when we die, we will be with God and Jesus in Heaven.  One day if you chose to give your life to Jesus and follow after God, you too will be in Heaven with us."  He said all excited in a squealy voice "I GET TO BE WITH MOMMY DADDY AVERY AND LEVI AGAIN!?"  ....."Yes buddy, thats exactly correct.  You see when people die we cant see them again here.  Grayden if you follow Jesus, and they do too you will spend forever in Heaven with them."  He said "Mommy I did give my life to Jesus. You will always be with me Mommy no matter where you are!"  ::::teary:::::  how does this child understand so much?!  The days and moments I have with him are so unbelievably precious (and sometimes trying).  :o)

Blessings!
Ki