Speechless.....

Wow, I dont know if I've ever been speechless in my WHOLE life!!!  But if there is ever a time...it is now (and lately)!!!  The thing that is so amazing is...I don't understand how well I'm coping with this.  I KNOW, its NOT in my own strength, its surely GODs!!  I will be meeting with a dear sweet Sister from church to help me through this time, although I dont know how right now (or where to begin).  Its hard to acknowledge what is going on in my heart let alone to share, I honestly feel numb (or is that just the Lords peace?).  The storm came with Avery, I'm sure it will come again.  I mean I was still crying at night over losing Avery when I was pregnant with Levi, how could it possibly stop???  Well, when and if the storm comes (over Avery AND with Levi), I want to be prepared.  I stay in the word, and I cling to it for hope.  It is all I know of truth, and I know that I can hold tight to the promises of God.  Even when the pain and the grief have me feeling like I cant do anything, God says that He "will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I [He] will guide them, I [He] will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I [He] will do; I [God] will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16.

     I constantly remind myself where Avery and Levi are.  That they are "safe in the arms of Jesus!"  Which may sound so generic if you haven't lost someone so close to you.  If you have lost someone that you really love deeply, and you know they are with Christ...you know what I mean!  Its the only comfort that you have.  If I didnt have that hope to cling to, I dont know where I would be.  I remember when I lost my Dad, the hardest part of losing him wasnt not seeing him every day, it was that I dont know where he went.  Specifically, I dont know the choice he made about Jesus.  That was the hardest part of losing him, is he in Heaven or Hell?  Losing Avery and Levi, I KNOW where they went...and I know that every day here is another day closer to them.  Until then, I have been immensely blessed with my family here.  I have never been so thankful for my husband and my son.  I have never prayed so hard for my son to the point that I cry (this is almost EVERY night now!). I have the opportunity to shape a precious life for the kingdom of God, and I will not stop praying or teaching Grayden so long as I have breath!

 

So remember how I told you that I have been clinging to the scriptures?  These are just a few that I have written out for my encouragement:

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor 12:9 

 " When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:1,2  

" God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1 

" I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart ! I have overcome the world ! " John 16:33  

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27.28 

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be moved, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed." Isaiah 54:10 

" I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8 

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till He leads justice to victory." Matt 12:20

"I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.  Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.  For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality.  When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."  "Where, O death, is your victory?  Where, O death, is your sting?"  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Cor 15: 50-57

Blessings,

Kiley